YOU ARE NOT ALONE: EXCERPTS FROM MY EMAIL SUPPORT GROUP ON EATING, DRINKING AND BODY IMAGE.

To my followers,

I am going to start sprinkling in  excerpts from past emails/support groups that I know will be helpful and inspiring, along with the food logs. I feel like I have opened an attic and have found a box full of old letters. These are golden letters/emails because there is so much honesty about emotional eating, questioning alcohol consumption/excess and body image issues. When I read these (this particular thread was from 12/2013) it just reminds me how incredibly blessed I am to work with clients who can be honest with themselves and with me and work on figuring out their own solutions.

Hey my friends,

In the last week I have had conversations about the struggles of food/exercise and body image  with 4 different clients that ended with "Am I the only one who feels this way? Do any of your other clients feel as crazy in the head for being out-of-control with my eating? Do they feel the same shame, guilt, self-sabotage and worthlessness around food and their bodies?"

And my answer was...YES...we all feel this way...or have felt this way and we all struggle with these issues. I include myself because I have the same struggles...I have learned how to deal with them and have learned healthy ways of working with them...but they are still there...and always will be.

It made me realize that I want a support group for all of you...to share, listen, scream, cry, laugh and to help each other in this struggle. Instead of trying to get everyone together, I thought doing an email support group would be the best way to get everyone involved. NOW...you all know I am NOT good with technology...so any suggestions of ways to do this that are easier than emailing...please let me know. But for now...who is willing to be a part of this conversation?

It is so painful to hear 4 clients in one week say how much they hate themselves for eating too much...for gaining weight...for losing control...yet, I know that feeling. Let's talk about it...let's be open and honest and see that we are not alone. WHO IS WITH ME???? :) Please "reply all" when responding so we can all be a part of this. If you do not want to be a part of this...please let me know and I will take your name off the list.

I love all of you so much...you have no idea how full my life is because of all of you...

Deborah


Group,
I'm in.  It's taken me over 40 years to learn how to be kind to myself and I still sometimes find myself saying the nastiest things to me.  If I heard anyone say to someone else what I say to myself I'd probably punch them in the nose.  So, I totally get it.
Mary

Group,

Wow! That is something I did not even think about. If someone said the nasty things we say to ourselves...to a friend, mom, daughter, father, son, etc. we would be furious !!!! Great point. We must pay attention to our own self-talk.
 I would like to start this off by asking a question that I would love all of you to answer...

"When was the first time you were aware of feeling your  negative body image?"

Deborah

Group,

When was the first time you were aware of feeling your  negative body image?"

Hi guys, Sara here. The first time for me was when I was 5 years old. My mom took me to a gymnastics class (in South Carolina). I was a cute kid, maybe a little pudgy, but what 5 year old isn't? Anyway, I wore a second hand black leotard and probably had a kool-aid mustache and goofy pigtails in. I was hanging out next to the foam pit. A little teeny tiny blond girl, the same age, wearing a pink sparkly leotard came up to me. She poked me in the tummy and in a sing-song voice said, "You are fat, you are fat!!!" She kept singing it and laughing and taunting me. She made the other kids join in. They all sang it. 

Sara 

Group,

Wow Sara! I am sure I am not the only one who just got a pit in my stomach...a tear in my eye...and a gasp in my throat. Isn't it amazing how we remember these things from years ago...the bad things said to us. I also had a dance teacher tell me I was having a "BigMac attack" because my stomach was so big. I always felt HUGE...and when I look back at pictures...I was a cute little girl, too. Chubby...but cute...and just the right size for a little girl. Thank you for the story...anyone else??? Hugs...

Deborah

Group,

Hey, it is Nancy. I  wanted to respond quick to the negative body image issue too……I have always been heavy.  When I was a kid I remember having to shop in the “Husky” section, yes the jeans if you remember were regular sizes and Husky sizes.  This question is hard for me because even though I knew I was fat I never really felt bad about myself and it was never a real issue in my life.  I chalk that up to the fact that the people around me are amazing, I knew my parents wanted me to be healthy but they never made me feel bad about myself and I always knew I was loved.   The first time I decided to get real serious about losing weight was when I was 28 and my size 20 pants weren’t fitting anymore and it was time to go up to the 22, and then I went to the Doctor and weighed in at 272 on their scale…..OUCH!  At that point I knew something had to change and it was probably the first time I felt really negative about myself and my body. 

One other thing about me…..denial is probably one of my favorite states.  In my world if you don’t acknowledge it isn’t there or isn’t happening.  So, I spent a large part of my life in denial about my health and my body.  So, yet another thing I’m working on.  Over the last year (almost happy anniversary Deb  ) Deb has dug in and made me think about some things and start to acknowledge and deal with some of the emotions and thoughts.  As they say, this is truly a process most people have issues that they don’t even realize that are contributing to their weight problems.  I’m happy to say I’m a work in progress…..I still think emotions suck for the record though!

Group,

As I sit here and see all of your emails...I again have goose bumps! Having you all take the time to write these emails...to share your emotions..to be so honest...it is exactly what I was hoping would happen...so thank you!

 First off...I must express that I have a problem with...and always have...the F-word...not fuck...FAT!!!! I will never tell you guys what to say or not too say...but when I hear someone call themselves fat...or someone else...it makes me sad. Just my input!!!

Deborah