Ohhhhhhhhh fuck, fuck, fuck , fuck!!!!!!! I KNOW how you feel about the number...even though I told you not to weigh yourself...I KNOW how much this fucked you up...and how much you want to just give the fuck up...and how you feel like you have no control because you are doing everything you should be doing...even switching meds..even giving up the peanut butter...even working out more. FUCK!!!!!!! I am at a lose for words...and I hate myself for that...because I want to give you a reason...I want to say it is not the same scale...I want to say...there is something wrong with your thyroid. But the only thing I can say is that the 6 reasons you gave NOT to be upset...are amazing...and all so true...and that is what you should focus on...but I know that it does not take away the total feelings of fucked up shit that we put ourselves through to feel better about our bodies...and when it does not happen...how fucked up we feel. FUCK!!!! That is all I have to say. Where do you go from here? What are your thoughts of how you are going to
continue...or not? Can your 6 reasons take over the FUCK feeling...right now...or soon??? I love you so much...
I don't see what choice I have or what else to change. I have to just keep on keeping on. I can't workout anymore than I do. I can't cut out any more food. I don't know what else to do. I really don't
Don't hate me... But I asked those questions because I wanted the answer you just gave me. Keep on doing what you are doing. Something I am aware of is that if this were 2 or 3 years ago, you would not have been able to list ANYTHING to not be upset about. In the time we have worked together on your workouts and your nutrition, you have grown. Today, you might not be able to step back and see that change. But, I do. 2 or 3 years ago you might have just said "fuck this shit" and ran to the nearest store and eaten 3 boxes of cookies. Today you see that does not work anymore. You still feel as shitty and WANT to give up but the growth is in the actions. You decided to write to me and talk about it and release the pain with me instead of releasing it by acting out. I know this is so fucking frustrating... But being strong... Defined... With extra endurance is such a bonus. Remember the 7$ jeans... Keep putting them on... And remember they did not fit last time. I love you!!!